Let's Go, Jane!

About two months ago, my pin-straight hair suddenly went curly. Such is the life of a perimenopausal woman. *sigh* My body is reinventing itself for the back nine. I’m used to just parting my hair out of the shower and heading out the door. This is no longer an option.

Initially I felt overwhelmed by the change. I didn’t know how to manage curly hair. It required new products, techniques, and a new hairdresser. Now, one curly (dry) and very expensive haircut, an informative curly-haired ultrasound technician named Nancy, and a few TikTok videos later, I feel more at ease with it. This is my curly-haired phase. Who knows what’s coming next? But at least I don’t feel like my body is betraying me.

It’s a funny thing, being back in the dating world in my 50s. So much of dating is based around appearance. When you’re 20 years into a marriage, appearance is not at the forefront. But here I am, dating a man who is five years younger, and I’m starting to see signs of age when I look in the mirror. I have always been resistant to allocating a lot of time and money toward my appearance. I don’t get my nails done. If I wear makeup at all, it’s not a lot and can be applied in a few minutes. I prefer a natural look.

I’ve always gotten compliments that I look younger than my age. People have expressed surprise when I say how old I am. That seems to be changing as my hair slowly turns gray, and fine lines and age spots start to appear on my face. It doesn’t help that I am bombarded everywhere I go online with products that are designed to play on women’s insecurities. 

The thing is, I don’t really know what my boyfriend likes. He’s not a words-of-affirmation guy, and he doesn’t give me a lot of feedback. He also doesn’t seek it. For example, I like the gray in his beard, I think it’s really attractive. But I don’t get the impression that he factors that in when deciding whether or not to dye it. He makes his grooming choices based on his own preferences. And maybe that’s how it should be? 

I asked him about this the other day. He said what he finds attractive is confidence, someone who feels good in their own skin, and that I should do what makes me feel the best. Does he think I should dye my gray hair? I honestly don’t know.

As I’ve gotten more comfortable with how to manage my curls, I’ve also tried to come to terms with the gray hair. I’m not going to start dying my hair now, at 52, but I need to learn to love this new me that I see in the mirror. I joined a Facebook group called “Silver Sisters,” where brave and vulnerable women are rocking the skunk stripe, the gray-to-brown ombre, the periodic chopping off of artificial color, leaving every shade of silver and gray and white behind. They’re doing it with great joy and a sense of liberation, and they’ve inspired me to stay the course.

So, I will endeavor to grow old gracefully. To welcome each wrinkle and silver hair as souvenirs of a life well-lived. To embrace change with open arms, and to recognize how very fortunate I am to have my health and the freedom to travel and seek adventure in the coming years.