Let's Go, Jane!

I don’t believe in soulmates. The mathematical improbability of ever meeting the one and only person who was meant to be yours, and only yours, is just too much for me. Instead, I think we have a mental list of things we value in a partner and then we go about comparing that list of qualities to the unique combination we find in each person with whom we form a romantic connection. This person checks most of my boxes, but they’re missing x, y, or z. Humor, religion, a big paycheck, etc.

And then we make a choice. Can I imagine being happy in a relationship where those things are absent? How important are those things to me, on this long list of qualities? Maybe sometimes people get lucky and find someone who checks all of their boxes. Those people can go on believing in soulmates. As for me, I think it’s more like choicemates.

When my sister and I were in our 20s and actively dating, we had an acronym for the qualities we were looking for in a potential mate. F-I-C-U-S. Funny, intelligent, compassionate, unique, and spontaneous. My ex-husband was a F-I-C-U. He’s an amazing person, he’s loyal and honest and a great father. But he is incapable of spontaneity. There’s nothing playful or adventurous about him. I made a decision that I could live without that quality in a mate. It’s not what derailed our marriage, but I do find that spontaneity and a spirit of adventure are very high on my list as I reenter the dating world now.

At 52, I feel the need to live every day to its fullest. I see my parents slowing down in their 80s, I feel how precious time is, and how important it is to enjoy life while I still have my health. My ex-husband did not care for travel. He did some traveling for work, but we rarely traveled as a family. When the kids were young we would go visit my parents or my in-laws during school breaks or in the summer. I can only think of one trip we took with just us and the kids, and it was brief but fabulous.

Now that I’m on my own, the urge to travel is strong. Unfortunately, my current financial situation does not support my desire to see the world. When I moved into my own apartment I started using budgeting software called YNAB (You Need a Budget) to keep me on track.* There’s a Facebook Group for YNAB users that I joined, and periodically I would see a post that referenced “travel hacking” or “points and miles” with a bunch of enthusiastic replies. I started to do my own research about this hobby.

In short, travel hacking is the practice of opening a series of new credit cards that offer sign-up bonuses, and then using your current spending habits to meet the minimum spend requirement, paying off the balance in full at the end of each month. For example, a card might offer 50,000 rewards points if you spend $4,000 in the first 3 months. The money you have set aside for your credit card payment can sit in a high yield savings account for bonus income while you’re waiting to pay it off. Banks that provide travel-related transferable points include American Express, Chase, and Capital One. Plus you can get cards that earn hotel points from hotels like Hilton and Marriott, or airline miles from airlines like United Airlines.

Travel hacking is a hobby that requires careful research. There are two stages of learning, how to accrue points and miles, i.e. which cards to open and when, and how to redeem points and miles for reward travel. This is not a strategy that yields quick results, it can take 4-6 months to clear two sign-up bonuses and earn enough points and miles for a nice international trip, where your flights and hotel stay are free (or for minimal taxes and fees).

While you are waiting, you can dream of destinations that would otherwise be out of reach. The only question that remains is where in the world to go first?

*Yes, that’s a referral link. If you show even a passing interest in YNAB I will talk your ear off. LOVE the software, can’t say enough good things about it. Love the company behind it and the community around it. If you’re thinking about budgeting software, try out their 30-day free trial. It will change your life.