Four Days Without the Van

Last Friday, shortly after posting my blog, I drove to the nearest Chrysler dealer for what I thought were some minor repairs. I bought my Ram Promaster used, and as she approached the end of her 3 year/36,000 mile bumper-to-bumper warranty, I thought I’d bring her in to fix whatever needed to be done: a creaky steering column, a rear cargo door that sticks, and the vehicle collision system warning light that had been on for a month. Upon closer inspection, they also found an oil leak between the transmission and the engine that required them to keep her for longer. Four days, to be exact.

On Saturday morning I woke up feeling bereft—without the van, I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. In retrospect, it was good to be forced to lift my head up and see the sky. I’ve been so narrowly focused that I hadn’t really spent much time reflecting about the direction I want my life to take next. With my gap year wrapping up soon, I needed to start thinking about how I want to approach a job search.

I dug up my old resume and got to work. With decades of professional experience, it was already two pages long. Personally, I don’t believe in resumes that are longer than that, so I made a difficult decision to reduce 25 years of professional fundraising experience to a single paragraph with some transferable skills as bullet points. Eight jobs vanished so I can make room for a new career.

Under the social work section, I now have the two internships that I completed during my MSW program and my current part-time research assistant job. A solid start, but where do I go next? I know I want to find a clinical role. I loved working with graduate students on a weekly basis, and found that even with limited training and experience I was really able to help them navigate the stress of medical school. It was gratifying working one-on-one. Sometimes just listening to someone can be a gift.

The population I am most drawn to working with is the helpers; organizers, human rights activists, and people engaged in justice work who are experiencing chronic stress, anger, and moral injury. I’m particularly interested in helping the people on the front lines of this fight against fascism sustain their engagement in difficult work. In order to deepen my capacity in this area, I will pursue further training in relational and somatic therapy and trauma-informed approaches. It feels good to have a direction, even if it takes me a while to get there.

By the time I got the van back, I had a clearer sense of direction—and something concrete to focus on again. I’ve had the van back for three days now, and my primary focus has been the electrical system. It’s slow progress, when I need to learn everything as I go. I bought a ferrule crimper and then had to go on YouTube to find videos about how to use it. I wired my roof fan to the fuse box and kept getting an error message from the power station. By process of elimination I removed one variable after another, until I figured out that I was using the lever nuts incorrectly.

Even knowing what size fuse to use for each appliance was a mystery. Rather than taking AI’s word for it, I learned that Amps = Watts / Volts plus 25% extra capacity. I learned the maximum fuse that I can use with each wire gauge. After three days of research and tinkering, I feel like I am prepared to take on the rest of my electrical system.

Last night, when I went to Home Depot to pick up my butcher block countertop, I walked past a display of extension cords. I remembered looking at them a month ago and deciding not to buy one yet because I didn’t understand what the different gauges were and what size I needed. I can now confidently answer that question, and that feels great.

My van now has electricity, captured from the sun. The solar panels are installed on the roof, the cables run through a gland into the van and connect to a power station. The power station is connected to an electrical box, and I have wired the first few appliances to the box. I have solved the puzzle that is electrical and done as much as I can before the walls go up. I will now turn my focus to plumbing. One system down, and a little more confidence for whatever comes next.