The End of an Era

The last time I downsized, moving out of my marital home of 15 years, it was a raw and painful experience. This time? It’s absolutely liberating. I thought it would be hard to give up items that I’ve owned for decades – the stand mixer, the DSLR camera. But after each item passes into the hands of its new owner I feel so much lighter. I have yet to regret parting with a single item.

This week I sold my bed, a few small appliances, and some wall art. I’ve listed all the items I think will sell on Facebook Marketplace and now I’m starting to give away items through a local Freecycle group. I’m determined to get to July 31st with almost nothing left in the apartment.

Most buyers have been great. They made reasonable offers and showed up when they said they would. Others have been super annoying – asking tons of questions about a minor purchase, agreeing to a pickup time and then not showing up, or ghosting mid-purchase. I’m very ready to be done with my marketplace activities.

When it comes down to it, we all have too much stuff. And it feels valuable until you try to sell it. It’s hard to reconcile the idea that you can’t find someone who will pay $20 for this thing you bought for $100 just two years ago. My items feel intrinsically valuable. But to someone else, they’re just used stuff.

I am determined not to allow my problem of “too much stuff” to translate into pawning things off on friends and family. I don’t want them to have too much stuff either! But how amazing will it be in less than two weeks when my worldly possessions have been reduced to a small pile in my sister’s basement and what can fit in my Osprey Fairview backpack?

In deciding what to keep, my first question is will I use it in the van? If the answer is yes, then it’s an easy decision. But what about items that I love, that I want to keep, but that won’t fit in my van? What will my life look like after the van? I have absolutely no idea.

I went through a pile of papers yesterday and some of them I’ve held onto for almost 50 years. Letters to and from my grandparents and great aunt. Sentimental items from high school. Letters to the tooth fairy or Santa from when the boys were little. Printed photos from the time before digital photography was ubiquitous. For now I’m keeping a box of these things, but eventually I will have them all scanned so I can release the physical items.

So far my son is putting up with the half-furnished apartment. I sold the carpet from his bedroom, but he made it clear that if I sell his desk or bed he will just move to his father’s house. I realized that I want him here with me for as long as possible, even if it means his bed and desk end up on the curb. This 2-year period living together in the apartment has been an incredibly special time and I will miss it very much.

I wonder what my relationship with my sons will be like when I’m no longer living in the same place as they are. My older son comes over for dinner and a movie every week. What will it be like when we are reduced to phone or video calls? What will it be like to go from seeing my younger son every day to not seeing him for months? I suppose this was going to happen eventually. It’s all part of the shift from parenting young children to establishing a relationship with your adult children. It feels like the end of an era, but it’s time.

I have exactly 13 days to make the remainder of my stuff disappear. It’s exhausting but liberating, and I hope I take this lesson to heart when it comes time to settle down again. Simplify. Surround yourself only with what you use regularly or what brings you joy. Stay nimble. And seek experiences over possessions.

P.S. Big news! My first book Van Life After 50 is officially out in the world. If you’ve ever dreamed of downsizing, traveling more, or hitting the road after 50—this one’s for you. You can check it out here.