Let's Go, Jane!

As I sit down to write this blog post each week, sometimes I struggle to come up with a topic. At the end of an ordinary week, there may be no unusual experiences that would make for an entertaining story. Not every week contains adventure. Then I remember that adventure is a state of mind!

On Saturday morning, Carey and I set out to ride 25 miles to a restaurant for brunch. On the way to the parking lot for the bike trail we got stuck behind a funeral procession, and it delayed us by about 20 minutes. We ended up arriving at 2:02 pm, two minutes past the restaurant’s closing time. However, Carey called the restaurant from the trail at 1:55 pm and they took our order over the phone (we’d seen these ginormous pancake cannolis on their website). We sat down at a table and the food arrived almost immediately. The pancakes were just as delicious as they look.

As we left the restaurant, feeling grateful and stuffed, I told him that we were charmed. He said that he’s felt that way his whole life. It’s not to say bad things haven’t happened to him. He’s had his share of terrible experiences, as have I. But we both choose to focus on the positive. It’s one of the things I most love about him, and about us as a couple.

If you believe that the universe will provide, it just does. I read about this phenomenon the other day in one of my social work assignments. It’s called problem-solving orientation. Do you see problems as opportunities to work something out, and believe that you have the ability to solve them? Or do you believe that problems are insurmountable and see them as a threat to your well-being? This positive or negative orientation affects what you think as you are faced with a problem, which impacts how you feel, and ultimately dictates what actions you choose to take.

I wonder sometimes whether a positive or negative orientation is innate. Can we change our default orientation? I think yes. My friend Laura, who is turning 70 this year, signed up for a program called A Year to Live, based on a book by the same name. The concept is simple, how would you spend your days if you knew this was your last year on earth? About half of the participants in the program have received a terminal diagnosis, the rest are looking to change the way they experience life. The changes in my friend, nine months into the program, are dramatic. You can tell by looking at her that she’s like a new person. Happy, grounded, and intentional. If you believe in abundance, that is what you see everywhere. If you believe in scarcity, well, there you go. The world is a hostile, competitive place. 

It’s easy to say all of this from my place of privilege. Educated, healthy, financially secure. But I truly believe that the universe provides for all of us. If my incarcerated pen pal, who has spent over seven years in solitary confinement under abhorrent conditions, can experience gratitude for what life has given him, surely anyone can. It’s all a matter of what we choose to focus on. I choose to see the world as generous.

Of course, there’s some confirmation bias at play here. We pay attention to the things that confirm our world view, and dismiss the things that don’t. Like Carey, I believe that I have led a charmed life. I’ve had my fair share of challenges, but those experiences don’t define me. We take a step into the unknown, with the belief that solid ground will appear under our feet. And whatever happens, we have the skills and the resources to make the most of life’s opportunities.