Let's Go, Jane!

Last spring, a month or two after telling my husband I wanted a divorce, I decided to dip my toe into the waters of online dating. I’d been out of the dating scene for over 20 years and didn’t know what to expect. In short, the online dating experience was both horrifying and fascinating in equal measure.

I started with Hinge. I made a profile, chose a few catchy prompts, and hit Publish. Then I waited. Every day the app showed me a handful of men. Some had blurry photos, others were full of typos. Here is a selection of actual prompts and responses I saw in profiles:

One thing I’ll never do again: Mistreat a woman. (Good luck, buddy!)

Typical Sunday: Movies cooking chilling watching football messaging my woman feet

I’ll get up early for: A rode trip

If I could only eat one meal for the rest of my life it would be: If you’re the love of my life hopefully it’s you!!!

There were group shots where you couldn’t tell whose profile you were on, and photos where a woman had been cropped out. My favorite was a man standing shirtless, waist deep in turquoise water. You could clearly see the edges of a woman in a bikini floating in his arms just below the bottom edge of the photo. It seemed like every other profile had a picture of a man holding up a big fish. This was common enough that I saw one of a man jokingly holding up a box of goldfish crackers, and another one of a chef holding up a big fish over a cutting board.

The first person I connected with was actually someone I’d known many years earlier, we met at a birthday party when our first-borns were a year old. He and his wife and my husband and I spent every other weekend together for the next three years, until his wife and I had a falling out and we lost touch. They divorced years ago. He and I went on eight dates before I called things off. It was a really nice glimpse of a possible happier future, but I was more into the relationship than he was.

Next I decided to try Match. Once again, someone I’d met a few years earlier through Facebook reached out. He was also in the process of getting divorced, and we quickly became divorce buddies. We talked and texted every day for four months as we went through the worst of it. There was never anything romantic between us. He was the person I shared my location with when I went on first dates. Our intense but brief friendship ran its course, and I will always be grateful to him for his support during a painful chapter.

Next I went to Tinder. My divorce buddy had assured me that there were people on Tinder who were looking for a relationship, not just a hookup. Maybe that’s true, but the first person I met was a surgeon with a shoe fetish and a serious girlfriend. He told me on our first (and only) date that a few times a year he likes to have a little something on the side. No thanks, Doctor!

Lastly, I decided to try Bumble. By this time I was getting frustrated. There were so many men with wives or girlfriends, men who only wanted sex, or who were content to just text and talk on the phone but never actually meet up. I saw a profile that I liked and sent him a message. “Good morning, happy Monday.” I heard back on Tuesday. I responded right away but didn’t hear anything. By Wednesday I made a snarky remark about how at this rate we might have an actual conversation in a month. I said, “Are you having a busy week, or are you not interested? I’ll leave you alone unless I hear otherwise.” Lucky for me, he rose to the challenge and we’re now 50+ dates into a great relationship.

Interesting as it was, I can’t say I enjoyed my brief foray into the online dating scene. I was incredibly lucky, I met someone great after only 6 or 7 first dates. If this relationship works out, I will be very happy to leave my Hinge, Match, Tinder, and Bumble profiles behind me!